You Can't Break the Ties That Bind
Thursday, January 29, 2004
The days are just crawling by here at Pac. U. Everyone keeps leaving randomly - I barely see anyone now for days at a time. Getting very lonely... at least work during the day keeps me entertained. I'm very lucky in that, even though my job is not too particularly fun, at least I have a very cool boss, and he has very cool colleagues. And I get to write letters to Idahoan students, telling them why they should attend Pacific. 'Cause I said so, that's why...
I've been cleansing my soul with the Stones as of late. A friend of mine sent me a great gift last year upon completion of my first year at school: an 8-CD set of live stuff from the 1972 US tour. I never actually got a tracklisting from him, so I've had to guess at a lot of venues and had to go through the CD's track-by-track and write down what's going on with each of them... but oh! the music. Disc one is great because it has a lot of stuff from the Ladies and Gentlemen film, plus some thing that didn't make the movie's final cut, like "Sweet Black Angel." The version of "Happy" from that film is one of the best I've ever heard. I like disc four a lot, too - I believe the first half of it is from Madison Square Garden. There are incredible takes on "Gimme Shelter," "Bitch," "Bye Bye Johnny," and the great medley with Stevie Wonder's band on "Uptight" and "Satisfaction." But the best is "Tumbling Dice," which has to be the best recorded live version I've ever heard. Y'know why? Because Keith sings backup on it. You'd be amazed how much that helps that track. Discs five and six are great, as well. Disc seven collects a lot of stuff from the film Cocksucker Blues - Keith's solo piano take on "Say It's Not You" is utterly charming - and some songs that were only played once or twice on the tour, like "Honky Tonk Women," "Loving Cup," etc. So, anyway...
It's a friend's birthday today, and I told her I wouldn't forget, and I didn't. So there. My day is coming up... I've probably already mentioned that. Eh, not that I'm looking forward to it much.
Time to go. I got a lot of sleep last night (I went to bed at a decent hour for once!), so tonight might be the same. What should I do in the hours before bed? Probably... nothing. Like every friggin' night here.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
"I'd rather walk alone in the dark than sit alone in the dark." -S. Cronen, 1/27/04
With the exception of an uneventful basketball game and a very bizarre encounter with a friend of mine, this has been my evening. Most of my day, in fact. I did more sitting than walking, I think, but I did manage to take a walk around campus.
I went to bed comparatively early tonight, because I had nothing better to do. I did get to listen to Undercover for the first time in a long while, and that was pretty nice. I like the songs on there more with time... a couple that I wasn't all that crazy about are really growing on me. Then I realized I was still awake and had to pee, so I got up and did that. And then I started writing this. This week-long break from school really sucks. I'm sorry, but it does. I'd much rather go to class during the day; at least I'd be somewhere other than my room. It's so damned boring here... today it was just Bryce and me, and since Bryce does little more than play computer games most of the day, I was pretty much on my own. I want to get up and fly out of here, see some old friends, do whatever it takes to erase this feeling of being stuck... stuck in this place, stuck in this same old routine, just stuck...
You know what I fear more than anything else? Being alone. It's slowly looking more and more like my fear is creeping up on me. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to feel more alone on my birthday than on any day so far? Well, I couldn't ever feel as badly as I did on my 16th birthday... now that was a day on which I was utterly on my own. None of that, I say. If need be, I'll invite myself to a party or something, just so I'll be among people.
Speaking of my birthday, I wonder what exactly I'm going to be getting. Probably just money, which will most likely go into very practical things... not a whole lot left for fun purposes. C'est la vie...
Well, at least I can look forward to chicken strip day tomorrow. At least that's something good, right?
Saturday, January 24, 2004
There’s a river rolling under the surface of my mind
And a cold glass bridge that’s fraying at the ends
I hear the rumble of a tremor in my footsteps
Searching for the lost love of all my friends
And I wonder if I opened my mouth once in a while
Then maybe they’d see that I’m only here for them
Despite the chill winds, they’re all invited to come see me
Because I’m still concerned I’ll never speak to them again
But maybe that’s my foolish mind
Always getting the best of me
I crossed twisted gravestones to get where I am now
I braved the thought of losing what I always did need
And I purged my soul of any and all falsehood and hatred
Without giving up what made me the real me
But it looks like I made myself believe what’s not real
‘Cause I’m in the same place now that I was back then
Where there’s never a care spared in my sad direction
Where the door’s always closed in a hall that’s wide-open
But maybe that’s my foolish mind
Always getting the best of me
There’s a crash on the levee, and I’m down in the flood
Who made life so exclusive to those who don’t care?
After a day like this, I’m shook up and empty
Because I’m chasing gold rings that aren’t really there
And I wonder if I jumped off the edge of this planet
Would they stop to wonder why I was never around?
Or would they notice at all that I was there to begin with?
That all I needed from them was to just be around?
But maybe that’s my foolish mind
Always getting the best of me
I’m a rogue angel, a sinner always gold-hearted
I’m a weeping harlequin choking back his rage
And I’m a lover who breaks that things that I care for
I’m a night-black dove marking time in my cage
And I’m a death’s head mask who just wants all to be peaceful
With a scar running down the entire length of my heart
All I need is a cure to end my always being so lonely
And the joy that shines through will be a work of art
But maybe that’s my foolish mind
Always getting the best of me.
-"My Foolish Mind"
S. Cronen, 1/23-24/04
Friday, January 23, 2004
And now, the song I've been playing relentlessly for almost the entire day.
Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
And where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall
Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin'
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin'
I saw a white ladder all covered with water
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall
And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
And what did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin'
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world
Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'
Heard ten thousand whisperin' and nobody listenin'
Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin'
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall
Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I met a young child beside a dead pony
I met a white man who walked a black dog
I met a young woman whose body was burning
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow
I met one man who was wounded in love
I met another man who was wounded with hatred
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall
Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin'
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten
Where black is the color, where none is the number
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin'
But I'll know my song well before I start singin'
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
-Bob Dylan
Thursday, January 22, 2004
I feel like stroking everybody... stroke me Billy... stroke me, darling!
Well, kids, I've missed you. Such an interesting past few days. A lot has been resolved, and a lot more things have opened up. At least I've got Love You Live to keep me company... oh, and Champ.
Let's see... went to the pool Monday night, but had to cut my stay short when I slashed my finger open in the locker/dressing room. No, I wasn't screwing around - I was taking off my shirt and managed to slam my finger right into the locker door... which peeled back a decent layer of skin and blood began to flow just after that. After ten minutes, of clean-up I figured, "It's time to go. No swimming tonight." I was upset, but at least it was healed by last night, when swim night came around again.
Been watching Monkees episodes and digging the music. I hate when people badmouth the Monkees. If they knew anything about music, they'd see that these guys actually had some musical integrity. Headquarters may be the most sophisticated garage band album ever made.
A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. We'll see how that goes. Developing...
I think my next project will be a free-form jazz project. Steve Cronen, Mark 2. Um, okay.
I'm drinking gingerbread tea with honey. Damn good stuff. Nice to come home to after a morning of class. It was a fun class today, actually... learned about rap and modern stuff. I've enjoyed rap more and more since I came here. I understand it a lot better than I used to. I actually consider it music now... at least, the stuff you don't hear on the radio. And even some of that is okay... Outkast and the like. I have to admit, though, I miss Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.
Ah, this is how "Sympathy for the Devil" should be played... with guitars, not a pre-arranged backing track. 1976 was one of the last times the Stones ever really played as a real rock and roll band. 1981-1982 was the last hurrah. After that, they became entertainers. No problem with that, it's just that they're not really the same any more.
Maybe more later. Enjoy yer days.
Monday, January 19, 2004
You are Animal.
You are completely nuts, but fun to be around.
SPECIAL TALENTS:
Drums, Women, Food.
HOBBIES:
Drums, Women, Food.
FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Louder!", "Food now!" and
"Want Woman!"
LAST BOOK EATEN:
"The Musicians' Guide to Drums, Women &
Food"
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
An appetite.
What Muppet are you?
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Somehow I just *knew* it.
Friday, January 16, 2004
It's been a rather nice day, for once. Started off with my midterm in Jazz and Rock History. I think I can safely say that I aced it with flying colors. If anything, I may have lost one or two points on the essay, simply because I didn't have room to say all that I wanted to say about Duke Ellington's band. But I more than made up for it with the extra credit, all of which I got right. Not bad for my first big test of the year. I love this class far too much.
Came back after learning about American folk music and proceeded to listen to two and a half hours' worth of English folk and folk rock. You know the drill - Fairport Convention, Anne Briggs, Sandy Denny, Bert Jansch, etc. Can't explain why - I was just in the mood. Then something weird happened. I got the spirit to write again. I sat down with my guitar and tried playing along to a couple of Anne Briggs tunes (one of which, by the way, I picked up - the immortal "Blackwater Side"). Then I started playing around with a folky thing of my own and started making up words on the spot - and what came out of my mouth was not my voice. I kid you not, I wasn't singing like myself... I was singing well. I sounded more like Sandy Denny - which means I sounded like a female folk singer, but what they hey. So I started writing and singing, enjoying this newfound talent of mine.
Here for you now, written just today, and to be sung like Sandy Denny, is "Stay."
Come all ye traveling gentlemen
Come away from the land to the north
Come all ye who’ve seen black waters
Ye can now lay down your swords
I’ve seen the troubles that you have seen
I have lived them a thousand lives
I have seen the scorn one woman brings
I know how one woman lies
Throw me in the river, teach me how to drown
Let the rain pour because I think I want to cry
I stayed too long and now there’s no comfort here
Behind the clouds let the sun refuse to shine
Come all ye who’ve tasted defeat
At the hands of a siren’s lust
Come all ye without cause
To find somebody you can trust
I’ve lost the battles that you have
But let us drink to our health
I’ve warned too many the dangers
In which I placed myself
Throw me in the river, teach me how to drown
Let the rain pour because I think I want to cry
I stayed too long and now there’s no comfort here
Behind the clouds let the sun refuse to shine
Come all ye who seek something
That you’re bound never to find
Come all ye with hearts of stone
They will be broken in time
I know this woman to the north
And in her I did believe
And I felt more twisted daggers
Than one man cares to receive
Throw me in the river, teach me how to drown
Let the rain pour because I think I want to cry
I stayed too long and now there’s no comfort here
Behind the clouds let the sun refuse to shine.
Is it fairly obvious that it's supposed to be an English folk song? Good.
I really want to write some more now, but I have to be careful not to overdo it. I've got ten different things swimming around in my head, but I need to separate them first, and polish them a bit. Until then, I'll just play my guitar...
I've got kind of a headache right now... perhaps some Advil will do the trick. Than God (Keith) for those free samples they gave us at the beginning of the year. That's right, our residence hall gives us free drugs. SNAP! Think I'll listen to some Miles Davis. Speaking of which, I've discovered that the listening room in our library is a safe and wonderful haven for when you have to study - a whole wall of jazz music just sitting there, ready for you to put it on and sit, sip, and salivate.
What's up for tonight? Not sure. I'll get back to you.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
This is encouraging... I probably answered a couple of things wrong, but oh, well...
You came from the darkness. Non-trusting, you most
likely will spend most of your life alone.
Where did you come from?
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004
*Editor's note: I am fully aware that it is past Christmas. Fully aware. Yet I wish to post the lyrics to this song because it matches some of the things I've been feeling lately, not to mention it's just been in my head for the past few hours. Once again, I know it's not Christmas. Thank you.*
It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green
I'm gonna make a lot of money, then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I made my baby cry
He tried hard to help me, you know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty, made me weak in the knees
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I ever had
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I made my baby say goodbye
It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on...
"River," Joni Mitchell
I like the album Blue more and more each time I hear it. At first it seemed a little anti-climactic to me after I'd already fallen for Clouds, especially with all the hype that Blue gets. Plus the album reeks a bit too much of "early 70's California folk rock," which normally doesn't put me off too much, but I just don't know... But the songs are genuinely good - "All I Want," "Little Green," "Blue," "This Flight Tonight," "A Case of You," and of course, "River." It just needs a few more spins, I think.
Listened to Miles Davis today. What a badass. This jazz class has really done me a lot of good. I was digging a Louis Armstrong/King Oliver disc yesterday, and it got me a lot of praise from passers-by... and the music was damn good. We're learning about rock now, which makes me a little sad - I was having so much fun learning these new things about jazz, and I already know so much about rock, it's like nothing new. But I did see Brian Wilson in a video today - about fourteen or so years ago. He actually looked okay - like he actually *knew* where he was.
Hi, Leah. I'm okay. Yourself?
I thought I'd something more to say... oh, here's something: Just over a month before Neil and the Horse!
Oh, yeah. Had my first quiz in class today. Perfect score. I hope I can keep that up for the midterm on Friday. As long as I can remember the progression of trumpet and sax players, I should be fine. Let's see... for trumpet, it's Buddy Bolden, King Oliver, Louis Armstrong, Roy Eldridge, Dizzy Gillespie, and Miles Davis. For sax, it's Coleman Hawkins, Lester Young, Charlie Parker, and John Coltrane. And the All-American Rhythm Section (one of the best rhythm section to ever precede "The Drive") consisted of Count Basie (piano), Walter Page (bass), Freddie Greene (guitar), and Jo Jones (drums). And I think I can remember the rest... I tell you, this is the kind of stuff I remember anyway, so it's no big problem answering questions like "who sang this song, and who played tenor sax on it?".
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on...
Monday, January 12, 2004
Woke up this mornin' with an awful, achin' head
Woke up this mornin' with an awful, achin' head
My new man had left me just a room and an empty bed...
"Empty Bed Blues" by Bessie Smith is one of the dirtiest songs I've ever heard. Not bad for 1927.
I listened to my Tacoma Tape today. For those who aren't familiar with the Tacoma Tape, it was this cassette that I made specially for my trip to see the Stones in Tacoma back in 2002. I hadn't listened to it in forever, and it's damn good. The tracks, by the way, are...
Side one:
1. Jumping Jack Flash
2. Criss Cross Man
3. Highway Child
4. Child of the Moon
5. Anyway You Look At It (I enjoy this one a lot now because of its jazz inflections...)
6. Who's Driving Your Plane?
7. I'm Free (Live, Oakland, '69)
8. Mother's Little Helper
9. One Hit (To the Body)
10. I Think I'm Going Mad
Side two:
1. Can't You Hear Me Knocking?
2. Torn and Frayed
3. We Had It All
4. Don't Stop
5. We Love You
6. Happy (Live, Brussels, '73)
7. The Storm
8. Worried About You
9. Luxury
10. Zip Mouth Angel
Also finished the liner notes to The Story of Steve, Volume 4. I may post them, just so you can read my silly childhood anecdotes.
Been a somewhat pleasant day, if only because lunch was good, class was enjoyable, and I got to go to the pool. I reallt don't remember much else, other than playing some crappy Japanese SNES games on my emulator all nigt and sporadically through the day. Two of them are actually pretty good: Bust-A-Move, which we all know and love, and Twinbee. And then there are some games that just suck...
I'd love to post a song or something, but you see, I haven't written one for a while. I'm in the middle of one, but I kind of need to let it sit a bit longer. I need a new muse. Perhaps Rachel...
If my family reads this, PLEASE SEND MY CD'S! Thank you.
Winter Three (or, more like it after those snow days, Winter Two) is a strang thing so far. It's like school... but it's not. I have only one class that, for a change, I enjoy, and once that's done with for the day, I'm free to do whatever. Some people are here, others aren't. I've met new people and have patched things up with old friends. Yet I still feel very lonely around here. It's not just the lack of a woman, either... I'm just having trouble communicating, that's all. I've always been like that, really, and I have become more gregarious and outgoing in recent years. But I'm still very lonely, that's all. I kind of miss my friends from back home, but that's not the main problem. It's inexplicable, really.
Everyone here is always either playing games on their computers (which I don't do much of, other than the emulator) or talking to their respective significant others. Maybe that's the problem. I'm jealous and my computer isn't as nice as theirs. C'est la vie.
Time for a quick snack, then some homework, then some music, and I'm off to bed. Ducks aren't supposed to be real.
One more thing. Did anyone catch Space Ghost Coast to Coast last night? Wow... I didn't think I'd ever hear such *unbleeped* phrases as "I banged a dog up the ass" (that one was repeated numerous times), "I'm holding this cup of my urine...," and "You can get kicked off the air for that kind of shit." The last one astounded me, because it was Moltar. Then I laughed myself silly. I hope the script is up online soon.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Woof. I'm exhausted already, and I only got up an hour and fifteen minutes ago. What a weekend it's been so far...
...What I mean is, nothing has happened. Really, nothing. When Adam asked me today at brunch what I did last night, I didn't have an answer for him, because my night was so mundane, it really had no significance upon my mind. Y'know what I did yesterday? I played slide guitar for a logn while, and when my makeshift slide (my roommate Steve's can of shaving cream) began to weather, I tried to approximate my newfound slide abilities with my bare fingers... I wound up with a blister. Yea for me. Let's see... while everyone else was out and about, I cranked some tunes. Then I started to draw for a while... typical superhero stuff. Talked to Rachel for about ten minutes before I went to bed.
And that was about it.
Friday wasn't any good at all. I was told by a couple of friends that they'd come and get me when they were ready to go to this shindig at the Yellow House... they never showed. Once again it was a boring night and, although Bryce brought up the idea of driving to Krispy Kreme at 11.30, I opted not to go and instead sat around with a bunch of people from the other hall that I either know somewhat or don't know at all. Had to listen to shitty music, but oh, well.
So today I have to do some homework. I'll do my little write-up about Billie Holiday at some point, but first I think I'll go to the library so I can listen to this Leonard Berenstein track that we were assigned. Then I'll do the reading. As much as I love learning about music, I'm in no mood to do it right now.
Ooh, y'know what I did do yesterday? I watched the Led Zeppelin DVD, and then skimmed "Lets Spend the Night Together" before I went to bed. So I might have to dig both Zep and 1981 Stones at some point today. I already listened to "Carouselambra" today when I got out of the shower.
Next tme, if I feel like it, I'll post some nonsense that will actually be entertaining. Good luck to you.
Friday, January 09, 2004
Today was our first day of class in three days. Stupid snow days.
I'm listening to Brussels Affair right now. "Angie" has never sounded better, especially when Jagger belts "Come on, baby, dry your eeeeeyyyyyyeeees!!!!!!" "Happy" is also incredible... and "Midnight Rambler"... and "Gimme Shelter"... and "You Can't Always Get What You Want"... and "Street Fighting Man"... oh, the whole thing is great.
I'm in the mood for some jazz. Ben has a disc with Joe Oliver's band when they had Louis Armstrong. The jazz equivalent of Beck and Page in the Yardbirds? You decide.
Time to clean.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
It's a snow day. I've had to go to school in Idaho before even when it snowed more than this. Class was cancelled. I'm rather upset - I really dig my class, and we'll have to make up the time we've lost today at a very inopportune point in time, I suspect.
But at least I've had fun today. Got to film parts of our upcoming samurai/ninja movie, went and "snowboarded" down large hills (they were really just skateboards with the wheels removed), and just enjoyed the merriment that supposedly comes with a "snow day." In fact, today was really great up until right before dinner. I dunno... things just went downhill. Saw Rachel again for the first time in a while... y'know, the girl who I want to tell how much I dig her, but am really afraid to because I don't know where I stand with her... anyway, I saw her at dinner, and it turns out she isn't off my mind yet. Proceeded to take a nap for a little bit (playing in the snow is hard work), then woke up to complete deadness here in the quad. What can a poor boy do?
I need a perfect girlfriend. I think we can all safely say that. I'm trying to get my mind off of things, but I find these things only just take a step to the back of my mind, and resurface when I'm most vulnerable. Woof, I just need to stop.
I listened to No Security today for the first time in almost a year, I think. I like it a little more each time I hear it, because it's just about the last time you really hear Keith playing. None of that "play sloppy Chuck Berry licks when I'm not supposed to" stuff that he seems to enjoy nowadays... at least the Berry licks were well-judged on the Bridges to Babylon tour. Also took in a little Neil (the first side of Rust Never Sleeps). I feel like watching a concert film, but I'm not sure which.
I beat Parodius 2 today. The first game in the series was just about all I played when I was home this winter break, and I beat it at home twice. I downloaded the sequel the other day, and finally beat it today with this character that resembles a Playboy bunny riding a rocket. The penguin is still my favorite, though. If this doesn't make sense to you, find the games and play them. You won't be disappointed. In fact, you'll laugh out loud... or be really freaked out.
I hope my sister sends those CD's I'm missing to me, because I really have a hankering to listen to "Keys to Your Love." Leah, if you're out there, make it so.
I thought there was more, and there probably is, but I can't remember it. I'm writing a song right now, for the first time in a while. Actually, I've written plenty of music in the last month, but these are the first lyrics I've penned in some time. It's not bad, either. I think.
Wham, bam, Birmingham
Alabam', don't give a damn
Little Rock, you look fit to drop
Ah, let it rock!
Friday, January 02, 2004
